Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Adventures with Andres: The Soda of Shaq (Part 1?)

Let the good times roll...

For those of you who've known me for some time, there has probably been at one or two times where you have seen me and my fascination for... well, things that seem to be a bit odd or out of place.  For my slightly-off mind, at least, there are certain concepts and ideas that seem so random, so unique, and so completely absurd that I have to know about them or experience them, a sense of childlike glee and misunderstanding in my step.  Things like the Luther Burger, with its strange combination of hamburger and Krispy Kreme donuts, or the movie Sharknado, which is is exactly what it sounds like.  I love random shit like that.  It makes my day.  Stop judging me, jeez.  When these kind of things come around, I tend to have this reaction:

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Hump Day HaHa: Jean Claude vs. Channing Tatum

Today, we celebrate the one, the only, the extremely Belgian action star and poon hound Jean-Claude Van Damme, or JCVD as his friends (what? We're totally besties...) tend to call him.  Known for his under-appreciated acting skills in timeless classics such as Bloodsport, Streetfighter, and the voice of Master Croc in Kung Fu Panda 2, probably the biggest thing Van Damme is known for- with the exception of his way with the ladies- is doing the splits.  He does them everywhere: in houses, on boats, at the BET Awards, you name it.  It's his Pulitzer.  Or, maybe it wins hims a Pulitzer?  I don't actually know how that works, honestly, but his splits- amazing.  So, after 30 years of splitting anywhere and everywhere, he decides to pull this:

Warning: Stunt may make you a bit misty in... areas...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Hump Day HaHa: The Tooth (Fairy)


Been a busy last week or two, what with all the school work and alleged illegal cock fights taking place the parking lot, and I'm feeling pretty drained.  Luckily for me and the five people who may read all this, posting on here in attempts to show the world my writing skills or lack there of is a soothing break, so here we are.

This week's Hump Day HaHa (something I hope to do weekly) is a scathing reveal of the truth behind the tooth fairy and her savvy business ventures as she rids the world of tiny bits of calcium for the sake of a child's financial gain.  Written and starring Matt Deanie and Josh Sharp, it gave me a bit of a chuckle, which probably means you'll hate it.  Regardless, enjoy, and happy Wednesday, you sexy beast.

(YouTube is being a bitch, so here's a link.  Hate me later for it.)
The Truth about the Tooth (Fairy)

Friday, November 8, 2013

Prepare to be Mesmerized

Watch the guy in the background.  You know, the one getting his beard stroked:

I can't turn away...


DON'T CLICK THAT VIDEO JUST YET!!  Hold up just for one.  Damn.  Second.  That video, in case you haven't figured it out, is the drug-induced furry orgy that comes with Ylvis' "What Does the Fox Say?" international hit.  If you've heard the song before, and I'm sure most of you have, you know it's catchy flow and weird lyrics will stay in your head until the blood comes rushing from your nose.  Hell, I'm hearing them right now, and all I can't think of his stabbing air holes in my skull until the noise escapes.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Commercials are Assholes: Part 1

If you know me, you know I talk.  A lot.  Like, probably too much.  Rambling on and on about nothing, filling up useful time with a waste of breath and words constantly going and going and going...

Wait, what was I saying?  Oh, right.  Anyway, if you don't know me, I tend to talk.  A lot.  And one of the biggest things always on my mind and in my mouth (shame on you, dirty minds) is how weird advertising and commercials are getting these days.  Sure, some of them are quite funny and weird in their own ways, but others just have the strangest, most derivative messages that really do more harm than good.  I just don't get it.  Don't believe me?  Well put down that sudoku puzzle, shut up, and pay attention to this Geico "When Pigs Fly" commercial:

Okay, I'm not even going to get into the whole anthropomorphic pig thing that Geico is doing here (I'm sure much better sites have analyzed that extensively).  What really bothers me most is the way the characters treat each other within the small 30 seconds of air this horrible ad has.