My Dearest Asshat,
Hey, how are you? Hope your days are sunny and full of puppies or whatever the hell. My name is Andres, an adventurous and compassionate dummy that owned the Jeep whose rear view mirror you stole the other night. It was quite strange, I must say, coming to my car and noticing that something was awry with my truck (or SUV, if it pleases you). My head was high, belly full of Korean BBQ, and I was looking forward to staring at pictures of cats and watching Jingle All The Way for the 37th time when I stopped in my tracks, seeing the mount twisted around and the wires hanging low. As any normal person would, I immediately inspected the surrounding street area, thinking that someone had simply clipped the poor vehicle. I began searching for the pieces that I assumed had broken off, coming to the conclusion that there were none. Upon a closer analysis, I realized the the mount and inner pieces of the mount itself were still intact, the wires gently pulled out with care and the casing that protected it were still in their rightful places. Just the mirror was gone. Wow.