"F*cktards:" My Favorite Movie Trailers of 2013

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Oh, uh, not what I meant, guys...

So, my sexy, slightly hair readers, it is time I confess that I have a bit of a problem, possibly a sickness: I watch too many movies.  Like, too many too many.  Yeah, that many.  It's a problem.  For some unexplained reason or another, my brain was built to desire and store as many films and references from said films as possible.  Most people strive to learn important skills or knowledge, like financial mathematics or how to con old ladies out prices rubies.  Me? I can quote 40 Year-Old Virgin from beginning to end.  I can even tell you the old Indian guy's real name.  It's sad, I know.

All that said, I actually didn't see a ton of movies this year.  Between my hernias, moving across the country, and a disturbing Faberge egg addiction, I haven't found myself staring at a giant screen while wondering if the stickiness on the floor was a homeless person's semen or a non-homeless person's semen very much.  Makes me sad, honestly.  I did, however, find some time to watch a shit ton of trailers.  Edited with quick action shots and carefully chosen music to pull you in, movie trailers are essentially commercials for their full version counterparts.  Which... well, which would explain why they are in commercials on television.  Nailed it (I'm such a good writer).  So, as the year winds down, and we say goodbye to 2013, I figured I'd share my favorites, in no particular order.  No, I don't want to rank them.  Don't tell me how to blog.

Hump Day HaHa: Suck My (Christmas) Gif(t) (More Parentheses)

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Die Hard, bitches.  It's the adult Home Alone.  Go watch that shiz.

Happy holidays, you sexy, possibly mid-day drunk readers!  I know, I know, this entry starts with a whole bunch of Christmas, including Die Hard (seriously, go watch it now), but I gotta acknowledge the multitude of celebrations and happiness going on everywhere and anywhere this time of year.  That and someone told me recently that not everyone believes in the fat, bearded guy in the red suit who flies all over the world delivering gifts while rocking a sweet keytar.  I had no clue! Did you?  Wait, why didn't you tell me?  Well, fuck you too then.

Deep Thoughts While Dying of Too Much Korean BBQ

Inspiration is such a weird thing.  It can be everywhere and nowhere all at once.  It's this thing that hits us all in our strange, random moments, and can bring some individuals to sick levels of greatness.  And sometimes, that inspiration comes in extreme ways.  

History is filled with artists, writers, and musicians with "habits" that inspired their work.  Salvador Dali had his hashish, Ben Franklin had his opium, and Orson Welles had frozen peas, I think.  These were the keys that, for these wondrous and unique individuals, opened the gates of inspiration; they allowed them to open their minds, dropping the inhibitions that shorten the gaze of inspirations, and probably gave them an excuse to wave glow sticks and bunny hop at sweet rave parties.  And now I, Andres Domenech, powerful and influential amateur internet blogger (Now with over five readers, probably!), believe that I have found the key to my wordsmithing and amazing creativity: overeating at an all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ restaurant.

Hump Day HaHa: The One Where is Andres is Super Stressed LOLWTF

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Guy is fucking blown away by that pen, I'm guessing

Hey folks, how we doing?  Well that's good to hear.  I was wondering when that rash would start clearing up.  Good for you.  Anyway, here it is, another lovely Wednesday, another middle of the week where everyone is stressed and wondering what the fuck is going to happen next.  Fun, right?

This week is particularly stressful for yours truly, having to deal with some major exams and prep for the next couple of weeks.  Also, my blog has ads now.  You know you want to buy that Chromecast thing or a sexy new credit card thingy.  So fun!!! :-( Anyway, I'm taking a moment out of busy schedule to try and bring a smile to your sexy, asymmetric faces because that makes me smile.  So, if someone shit in your Cheerios this morning, I hope they ate a lot of fiber first, and I'm help to try and brighten your day.

Weird Ass Distractions: Candybox2

Happy End of the Year, you beautiful, beautiful readers!  All five of you, thanks for stopping in and make weird faces reading my bull here.  Seriously, it means a lot to me to have someone reading all of this, especially during the final days of 2013, with final exams, deadlines, and that last bit of Meth to cook (I miss you, Heisenberg), everyone has got shit to do.  This time of year is always quite stressful, rough, and drives some people to point of insanity.  And I'm definitely no different; between school and all of my naked polka dancing lessons, I definitely have things I should be doing.   Should.  Keyword there.  The problem is, I don't want.  Or rather: I don't wannnnnaaaaaaa.  You can't make me.  It's always moments like this when I like to lace up my boots, stand tall, and find anything else in the world to distract me from my responsibilities.  Because America.

Hump Day Haha: 3 for 1 Black Friday (On a Wednesday) Blowout

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For this week's giggle, while you're busy working (or twerking) hard at your place of work and/or druge deal, I figured I'd give you not one, not two, not four, but three, THREE funny videos for the price of not-a-damn thing.  I know, I'm a hero to you and your unborn, sickly-looking future children.  Make him play a sport or at least feed him.  He looks awful.  Man, you're a bad parent.

The Taming of the Beard: A Letter to Beardnard

Whelp, November is over, which means the whole "No Shave" movement is, as well.  For those of you unaware of this strange ritual, No Shave November (also known as Noshember or Movember, which sounds like shit I would make up) essentially involves being super lazy, and just not shaving.  It's supposed to raise awareness of men's health issues, such as prostate cancer, and that's great.  There's all kinds of rules that you can follow, found here if you want to read them (my laziness told me not to, though).  I participated this year, though, I have to admit, it kinda felt like all those times I saw people "liking" some kind of cause on Facebook; it really didn't seem to do a damn, so eventually it just became an experiment in "How Mangled Can I Make my Face Look?"  Needless to say, after 31 straight days, it was a success:

Ladies...